Marriage Advice From an Eighth Grade Graduate

When it comes to dating, or getting married in this case, I typically think of a progressional pattern that slowly leads itself to eternal bliss.  You know, something like this:

Maybe I'm way off when I think this, but... I thought it was the way to go.

Turns out, I've been mistaken my WHOLE LIFE!  It's actually a LOT easier than that.

Friday night, I was with a boy.  I know, right?!  He is honestly the most adorable thing ever.  We spent a lot of the day together - hanging out, dinner, then frozen yogurt.  Perfect night?  Yes!  We even got a few minutes alone in the car to chat.  About you know, life, what he wanted to eat for breakfast the next morning, his recent experience of recording his own song he wrote, and MARRIAGE.  

Yep, Marriage.

Oh, did I mention the adorable boy was my cute cousin Devin?  He's 14.

I sure got the hit about not being married.  Geez!  I'm only 24!  But, I told him that it just wasn't a very easy task to just do.  His response?  "Oh, come on!"  

Okay, really?

The rest of the conversation went like this:

So hilarious that I recorded it.  Here it is, word for word.  

Devin:  (slightly disappointed tone) Okay, Pink (Pink is my nickname), This is your marriage assignment from me.  It's your homework.  You need to find the perfect guy.  A worthy guy.  Then you have to ask him if he is interested in marriage.  (Okay... what happened to the flow chart?  I guess in order to get the job done, we're going in for the kill.  First question. And, what happened to guys asking the question?  I have to do it?) If he says yes, then you decide what day you are going to get married.  When that day comes, you will go to the Temple in your regular church clothes and you get married in them.

Pink:  Wait, I can't get a wedding dress?

(boys... not knowing important details)

Devin:  Oh, you ARE supposed to wear a wedding dress.  (phew) So you'll go to the Temple in your wedding dress as well as your church clothing.  (Attractive, yes.)  Then, there will be a lot of family who will be there.  And, I will.

Pink: Perfect!

Devin: Then, once you are married...

Pink: Then what do I do? (I'm digging for the awkward 13 year old "please, lets not talk about this face...)

Devin:  Then you start having children.

Pink:  How does that work?"  (Still digging...)

Devin:  Oh, I know how it works!  (Yes.. here it comes!)  God grants permission to only those who are married to have children.

Pink:  So, what do I do?

(I'm trying.. really)

Devin:  Well, sometimes after people get married, the wife gets pregnant. (I tried to dig again, but he was clueless.  Adorable.) When you get pregnant, that's when you discover your first born child.  Then, your husband, whoever it is, will bless it.  And, that is when you will have your own little family.

Pink:  So, what should I name my firstborn child?

Devin:  How about.... oh wow.  Well, you don't want Charly.

(I don't?)

Pink: Oh?  What if it's a girl?

Devin: Hm... probably Lisa?  (hmph....) And Britton for the boy.

Pink:  So... where do I find my perfect, worth guy?

Devin:  Probably, well I guess you'll find a lot of worthy men at church.

Pink:  Uh... where else?

Devin:  Hm, maybe at an activity.

Pink:  What kind of activity?

Devin:  Like, a movie, or swimming.  OH I know!  Your apartment!

(Guys, my address is....)

Pink:  Great ideas!

Devin:  Oh, and Pink.  The due date for this homework assignment is July 30th.

JULY 30th!?

Normally a conversations that alludes to the fact that I'm not married I don't let go far.  Because, gosh!    But, this was one of the most sincere conversations he and I have had.  

He's truly concerned for my well being :)

Turns out dating flow charts aren't the way to go.  Next perfect, worthy man I see, I'm asking him if he's interested in marriage.  However, there was never any mention about a ring.  Another important yet forgotten detail.  Do I have to buy my own since I'm asking him to marry me?  I'll have to clarify with Devin and get back to you.  But, Dev is convinced it will work

So, it must!

... Movies, Swimming or my apartment anyone?